Hi! I’m Meredith Lesney and I was adopted from Korea when I was four months old. I was adopted into my forever home which consisted of my mom, dad and sister who was also adopted from South Korea. I had a wonderful childhood. We did a lot as a family and took family vacations, visited my grandparents and went to the shore with my cousins. Growing up I was always curious about Korea. I would read books and watch any programs about Korea. I was always curious what my birth mother looked like.

     When I was in my 20's, my mother and I decided to take a birth land tour with my adoption agency. It was my first international trip. It was the most exciting experience of my life! The people, the smells, the sounds, the buildings and just the differences between Korea and the states were amazing! I got to go to my adoption agency and hold the babies that were being given up for adoption. Wow, did this change my life.  I even asked to go back on our free time so that I could hold those babies again.  I wonder all of the time what those babies are doing today and how adoption has changed their lives.  

     I grew up in Massachusetts and then we moved to PA where I still reside today. I graduated high school, college and persused two different Masters’ degrees in technology.  I’ve been a school librarian for 17+ years. I love my job and my students. I am such a big advocate for adoption and foster care that I wrote a picture book about how “love makes a family.”  The title of my book is “Spaghetti and Meatball.” I am proud of being adopted and wanted to show others that not every family structure has to be the same. It’s  the love between each other that truly makes a family.  

     I think adoption is an amazing thing. To open your heart and your home to a child or teen that needs a family is probably the best gift you could ever give to them!

     Before I end this post, I wanted to add a couple things: Through the gift of adoption, Ms. Lesney was able to lead a successful, joyous life. She went to Lock Haven University for her Bachelors degree, Wilkes University for her Masters, and now she is our favorite librarian EVER! It’s not just that either, she is so involved in our school! When I had her as a teacher in middle school, she organized a multicultural potluck night to educate our school about the cultures around the world, was the leader of the Reading Olympics Team, and led the iTeam to some victorious wins! Also, we can’t forget about how Meatball is a living icon. He is the coolest duck out there and I just LOVE how she and him share their voices to spread awareness about adoption. Their work is changing lives and impacting the world! I am so honored that I got to share her story here and I hope you all enjoyed it! 

ALSO if you would like a copy of Ms. Lesney’s FABULOUS book, here’s the link>>>>>

 https://www.amazon.com/Spaghetti-Meatball-Meredith-Lesney/dp/0998653128/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=spaghetti+and+meatball&qid=1574346121&sr=8-4

Téa Tamburo - she/her(s) - Adoptee

Instagram - @teatyt11 @girls.adoption.connect

Special date: Birthday (11/28/04)

Who are you and what do you do?

I was adopted from Hunan, Changsha China in 2005 and moved to Chicago, IL. I founded Girls Adoption Connect to connect adoptees since I have spent most of my life knowing no one else that was also adopted.

How are you impacted by adoption?

I do a lot of work focused around diversity and inclusion. So one of the areas of diversity that I’m focusing on is bringing adoptees into the discussion and thinking about “adoptee” as an identifier.

What is the biggest challenge you faced related to adoption?

I’ve grown up knowing I was adopted, but knowing is different than actually accepting and acknowledging. I spent many years not wanting to think about my adoption and just shut out that side of myself. The hardest part was learning to embrace that identity.

What do you wish people knew about adoption?

I really just wish people knew that adoption is a sensitive topic. Every adoptee feels differently about sharing their story, but just know that it’s a very personal and sensitive topic. Do not pry!

What have you done to support the adoption community?

I founded Girls Adoption Connect, spoke in interviews and panels for other adoption groups, written a journalism column about self identity and advocate for adoptees’ voices and perspectives to be heard in talks about diversity, equity and inclusion.

How has your opinion about adoption changed as you got older?

As I’ve grown, I have been able to better process and understand my adoption and embrace that part of myself. When I was younger, I didn’t really understand what being adopted fully meant, so I didn’t really think much of my adoption journey. When I thought about it, I thought of it as something that made me different, in a bad way. So as I’ve matured, I really started to embrace that part of myself and see it as an opportunity to be part of another community. 

What has helped/supported you through learning your adoption story?

Just connecting with other adoptees and being given opportunities to openly share our true thoughts and feelings about our adoption. 

At age 16, Taneisha's mom gave birth to her. When Taneisha was just three, her mother was arrested and Taneisha began her journey in the foster care systems. She lived in a children's shelter in Florida for a while before she was moved to her first foster family. She lived with that family for awhile, but was then adopted by a family when she was five years old. Unfortunately, at age 9, Taneisha went back to the children's shelter. There, she met her forever parents, but at that time they were just her foster parents. She was 10 when she went with her foster parents and she was 11 when she became a part of their family. 

As mentioned before, Taneisha went through three foster families before finding her forever family. She says, "at one point I thought I was going to age out of the system". This isn't unordinary in foster systems. When the child turns 18, now, young adult is sent into the real world.

Taneisha is forever thankful for what her adoptive parents provided her. They helped her find a passion for choir, theater, and swimming. She says that she felt an instant connection with her family from the beginning.

Taneisha's biological mom has not reached out to her yet that she knows of and when I asked if she wanted to try to find her she wasn't sure. If she were to have the opportunity, Taneisha admits she would not know what to say. Personally for me, I feel the same way. I don't know if I want to go out and look for my birth parents. Mainly because I don't want to be disappointed.

Now, Taneisha is 18 years old and actually has a birthday coming up! She is currently enrolled at Florida International University. She plans to obtain a masters degree in recreational sports management so she can later on become a sports therapist.

Taneisha's story is so inspiring and unique. She has been through so much. From battling anger issues, to depression, she has proven to be the epitome of a strong, confident, and kind person.

My name is Julianna Lee and this is my story. I was left and abandoned at a temple in Karad City, India. At a year old I was only 9lbs, 70oz- this is because I was a failure to thrive. After I was born I was very weak and malnourished. Many of the orphanages in India were filled with up to 500+ babies, and there were very few caretakers. Since there were so many children, caretakers didn’t have time to feed every baby the amount they needed. So, we were spoon fed. To put it in simplest terms, I was not fed very often; and when I was, it was not a lot. Many of the children were not fed the general amount of formula all babies need. Also, because the orphanage was in such a small area in India and not a very wealthy and clean part of India, caretakers didn’t have enough money to buy baby bottles to fed all the children- so all of us would share bottles. When we all would share bottles, many of us would get sick. During the Summer of 2003, Several babies, myself included, had IVs and countless tubes running liquids through our bodies. We were all very very sick- plus it didn’t help that many of us, including myself were already a failure to thrive.

Unfortunately, I have never been able to reconnect with my birth parents. My adopted

mom has told me that when she was in the process of adopting me, there was no paperwork on my biological mother. (I have never heard anything about my father. I’m guessing he left). I am assuming my birth mother was very young and didn’t know what to do with me when she had me, so she just left me- luckily it was in a public place where she knew people someone would find me. Fun Fact: My biological name is Pakali. It means the ‘petal of a flower.’

Sometimes it can be hard growing up in a society that defines beauty or to be beautiful is Another one is that since I was so malnourished at a young age, my body and my brain

to have lighter skin. Or to look any certain way. Especially having darker skin. I have always known from a young age that I was adopted. But it wasn’t until my fifth grade year that I really started to understand and really question my adoption. When I was younger I used to get bullied for having darker skin than everyone else. Kids in my class would say things like, ‘your skin looks like poop,’ ‘you should bleach your skin,’ & ‘you look weird.’ Etc. Then I started to become very insecure for having brown skin & being Indian. I remember thinking to myself ‘you should bleach your skin. People would like you better. You’ll be beautiful again.’ It breaks my heart to look back on what I thought of myself. And how I was letting others define me and tell me what I should do to look beautiful. That’s something I’ve definitely struggled with being adopted.

I missed out on big milestones most babies make because of my failure to thrive. When I started school, everything seems fine the first few years. But until my fifth grade year my grades started to dramatically drop. I would always tell myself and eventually convince myself that I was dumb. I wasn't getting the grades I used to get, and school was now very overwhelming and no longer fun anymore- and I loved school. My mom took notice of my bad grades and decided to homeschool me. That didn’t really improve much- I was homeschooled for three years and my eighth grade year I went back to public school.

After a year in public school of continued struggling with grades, my English teacher, Mrs. Darras, took notice of this and brought to my moms attention that maybe I should be tested for A.D.D. When I tested for A.D.D., I was relieved to find out that I wasn't really dumb- it was because of all the missed brain connections from when I was young from not receiving a lot of food. And now I can say that I very much enjoy school again and my grades are better than ever!! (My lowest grade is a B+!!)

I currently live in Celina, OH. I am a freshman at Celina High School. Adoption has definitely given me my ups and downs, but looking back on those hard times, I am definitely grateful for them because they have made me into the person I am today. I want other adopted children to know that they are special. When their parents first saw them, they chose you. They looked at your picture and hand picked you- that should make you feel very special and loved. It makes me feel that way :)

On January 2nd, 2002, Julia was boring in Mixco, Guatemala, a city in south central Guatemala. This city was not necessarily the safest because of its high rates in crime and drugs. Her birth mom was young when she had her, so Julia lived with a host family. However, due to financial difficulties, they could not keep Julia and chose adoption to give her a better life. That was the time when her adoptive/real parents were looking to adopt. They chose Guatemala because it was a small country and would be unique to adopt there. On her father’s birthday, they received the long awaited call informing them that Julia was available for adoption. After 8 months in Guatemala, Julia was adopted on September 2nd of 2002. 

Ever since, Julia has lived with her family that she truly loves and she emphasized that so much throughout our phone call! It really just pulls at the heartstrings to see such a loving family built through adoption. 

Of course along the way, Julia faced some challenges being adopted. Specifically, in science class one year, they had that project where you learned about recessive and dominant genes, so now you had to see what traits you got from your parents to apply this new knowledge. Although it’s a project we all do, it is actually really hard for adoptees; especially for Julia during that time because she didn’t know anything about her birth parents. Her best friend, Skylar was also adopted so they were able to get through the awkward school projects together. She is proud to say that they still have each other’s backs now and that it’s nice to have other people who understand adoption at the same level as you. Also I have to mention that during this time she got her ADORABLE DOG BO! He eased her during these hard times and helped her get through them in addition to her huge support system being her. Another obstacle Julia faces from time to time is explaining adoption to people. There’s people who just don’t understand what it means and sometimes it feels awkward answering their questions, but Julia said that deep down she knew that her adoptive parents were her real parents so all the questions people asked didn’t change the fact that she had a family. 

Now, Julia is committed to play field hockey at St. Francis University- a District 1 college on a generous scholarship! She has been a part of various leadership conferences where she has demonstrated her skills too. She is currently a senior in high school and finished up her final year of high school field hockey! Now, she has a secret dream that she wants to open her own taco truck and call it “Taco to me nice.” She plans to to major and business marketing or business management with a minor in Spanish and aviation. Julia said that she wants to adopt children when she is older after having some of her own(She wants to have about 4). She would be interested in adopting from Guatemala, but would mainly adopt from a country going through hard situations. She said that adopting from those countries helps the children and the country out overall and being able to do that is an opportunity to give back. Since she is adopted, Julia has been able to spread awareness about adoption among her friends and anyone she meets. In doing this, she is making a difference in her own group of friends and the world! 

Julia said that “without adoption who knows where I could have ended up, since Guatemala is known for their gangs, she could have been a part of one on the streets.” Luckily, adoption gave her the family and life that would give her the act opposite of that.

She has always known that she was adopted because of the visual factors and the corny picture frames with those sayings we all know we love. Also, she gets to rage to her brothers that she was the “chosen one,” and honestly, us adoptees can all relate to that ;). She said that she is so grateful she was adopted because it helped appreciate the little things in life like being able to play music in her car on the way to school and having a dog that can come inside. She says that being adopted opened her eyes to what her life could have been and what it is now. If she were to ever have a conversation with her birth mom, she would want to know if she has any siblings and her morals are. She said that her brothers and parents are so noble and she is interested as to how should would have been brought up compared to how she is now. It’s the idea of touching on the whole Nurture vs. nature aspect of adoption. 

Leading into that, she loves her adoptive family especially her brothers! She said that he parents and brothers built her character to who she is today because they demonstrated their hard work ethics to achieve their goals. Her brothers Grant and Adam are extremely athletic and seeing them work hard in sports and to reach their professions motivated her to get that D1 scholarship. Her family has always been so supportive in everything she does. She said that they “never forced me to do anything I didn’t want to.” She tried many things from horseback riding to playing the piano. 

Her brothers never teased her for being adopted and always supported her dreams and aspirations. When she was first brought to America, Grant and Adam were extremely excited! In 3rd grade, Adam brought Julia into school for show and tell. Julia had only been in America for a couple of months during that time and he was just so excited to share his new sister with everyone. Her brother Grant jokes saying that since Julia is such a bubbly person who laughs all the time, he can identify her laugh in a crowd of people. Whenever his teammates commented about their physical differences, he was always proud to say that she was his sister.

Tiffany’s story did not begin easily because she was born addicted to cocaine and due to this, she was given a life expectancy of 2 short weeks. The doctors said that if she did happen to live beyond those 2 weeks, there would be body deformities and intellectual deficiency. She is currently defying those odds by living well past 2 weeks without any disabilities. In fact, she is thriving. This is all because of the gift of adoption. Anyway, back to the beginning, Tiffany’s birth mother lost parental rights to the lack of meeting the criteria while her father gave up those rights when she was born. Eventually, Tiffany was placed in the foster care system at Holy Family Institute. This Catholic safe haven does not do adoptions now, but they did at the time Tiffany was there. I wanted to quickly change the pace and congratulate Tiffany because she is a nominee and recipient of the Holy Family Institute Courage House Award. It is such an honor to be able to call Tiffany my friend because she is the real deal people! 

Shortly after, Tiffany’s foster/adoptive/real mom got a call asking if she would be able to take in a little girl. At the time her mom was a working nurse who faced many obstacles. Her lungs were contracted 2/3rds due to air conditioning vents with mold or fungus. Her mom also had severe rheumatoid arthritis. Despite these setbacks, she had a heart of gold and took Tiffany in with love and compassion, providing her with more than she could have ever asked for.

Until Tiffany was 2 and a half, she still had visits with her birth mother to see if they could still reconnect, but her birth mom did not meet the criteria to keep her rights. When her birth mom’s rights were terminated, her foster parents could finally adopt her. On March 20th, 1998 Tiffany was finally adopted, now being able to call her foster parents her adopted and real parents. 

When all this was going on, Tiffany did not quite understand the foster care system, but she knew that she was lucky enough to have been taken in as an infant. This is because many children may not ever get adopted since once they hit the age of 8 years old, their chances of finding a forever family decrease immensely. That is in addition to the emancipation age if 18 years old. 

Tiffany has three brothers who were all in the foster care system too. One of her brothers lives with a form of Autism, but these disabilities NEVER diminish the love families have for each other. Her brothers all have different last names since Tiffany was the only child who was “officially” adopted. They aren’t in the foster care system now since they were emancipated. Although they are not officially adopted, they are still a big part of the Seitz family. 

Since her adoption, Tiffany still was able to keep up with what her birth parents were up to. Unfortunately, in 8th grade her birth mom passed. Also, on her birth mom’s side, she has many siblings but with different fathers. Although, Tiffany is happy with her family now. She says that her parents now have always been her parents and forever will be too.

As I mentioned before, Tiffany is  THE MISS PENNSYLVANIA. She will be competing for the title of Miss America THIS DECEMBER ON NBC! Her social impact initiative is Adoption Advocacy- “Restoring Hope, Transforming Lives.” With her platform, she has been able to advocate and share her experiences all across the state and nation. Tiffany mainly advocates for domestic adoptions and has been a volunteer with the “foster love project” which is a part of a foster care retreat. On another note, Foster Care to Success is the process of assisting a teenager who is about to be emancipated, equipping them with skills for the future such as completing college applications and paying taxes. Once they’re emancipated, they might not go to college and go down the wrong path. Tiffany is making a difference in a child’s life and helping the families as well.

There are so many myths that need to be terminated. Considering adoption requires a lot of thought, but making the decision to take the plunge could have a plethora of benefits for the family that chose adoption. Adoption should be mutual because foster children are coming from different backgrounds and these foster families have to be prepared to take on their vigorous histories. It’s not their fault they are  in foster care. They still deserve an equal chance at success as any other child would. 

Tiffany would love to connect one on one with adopted kids and foster kids, but due to confidentiality she has not yet had the opportunity. Despite this, she is educating thousands of parents about the different processes of adoption. With this, she explains on a daily basis how adoption can give countless opportunities for children. “Adoption may be an unconventional way to start a family, but not an invalid way.” Every child, infant, and teen deserves a family. It’s not unconventional, it is just a unique and diverse way to start a family. Adoption is just as valid of a way to make family as if having your own kid. She has truly been building families throughout her year so far and I cannot wait to see how much more she does this year! So join me in congratulating her once again for ALL THAT SHE DOES and wishing her the best of luck as she embarks on her journey to the Miss America Crown.  

I was nine years old when Bennett and Bowen officially became my little brothers. To be honest, it did not feel much different than it had before because I always felt I would call them my nuggets forever! Our family’s daily life has of course changed in various ways. It now starts earlier and louder as you can imagine with two little boys running about but it is also filled with a whole lot of joy, laughter, and love. The youngest, Bowen, was born three months early and came into the world as a little warrior. Eating has been his biggest battle. As an infant, my mom would be giving him a bottle for up to three hours only for it to be spit up in about five minutes. That was only the beginning of the long journey of a G-Tube being placed in his stomach, overnight feedings, long hours at the table, and many conversations of how important food is. It is hard to think that eating is not a natural instinct. I know for me, mealtimes are my favorite times! He has made leaps and strides and today he is feeding himself and starting to recognize how hunger affects your behavior and that when you are hangry, it affects the people around you too. He is as smart as a tack and so incredibly musical, I think we may see him performing in Carnegie Hall one day! For Bennett, I’m pretty sure he was born with a six pack. He loves baseball, basketball, and Pokémon, but doesn’t love when things don’t go his way. I think we can all relate to that feeling. With elevated ADHD, it is harder for him to control his actions and stay focused. With a loud, strong voice and the curliest hair you’ve ever seen, he is leaping into new improvements every day. He is about to start the third grade and is getting stronger, physically and mentally, every day. Since bringing these little dudes into the Feldmeier home, all of our lives have changed but we wouldn’t want it any other way. Some times a rough day knocks us off track and we go to sleep with many worries running through our minds but that is where we help each other up, trust in God’s plan, and “keep moving forward” as the Robinson’s say. Our experiences through being a foster care home and now an adoption family helped steer my older sister into her career as a speech therapist and she is thriving. We continue to work alongside each other and help them through the challenges they were born with because we know that they have such bright futures ahead of them. Every victory, no matter the size, we think should be celebrated! There are seven Feldmeiers all together and one quote sums us up pretty well, 

“You call it chaos but we call it family.” 

As for Landry, she hopes to attend an arts school and major in either dance or musical theater. With her scholarships she puts towards her education, she aspires to dance on Broadway or at Radio City Musical Hall as a Rockette. I think it is safe to say she has a bright future with a great family made through adoption. 

Amber was in the foster care system for 13 years and was adopted when she was 16 by her forever family. Unfortunately, she has been with so many different foster families, that she cannot even count them on two hands.

Amber’s birth mom had her when she was 19 years old and her birth father left the picture right away. Shortly after Amber, her birth mom got pregnant again which made it hard for her to take care of two children alone. As a result, she gave Amber to her father whom at the time had a court order prohibiting any children in his house. However, she recalls her grandfather as being a fair man and taking her on bike rides and reading the dictionary to her at nighttime. This would allow her to have a great vocabulary at such a young age. Amber also had a younger sister who was in a foster home with her. Unfortunately, that family decided to adopt her sister, but not Amber. Although it was saddening, she was happy that her little sister did not have to go from house to house in foster care. The family chose her little sister over Amber because they wanted a baby and did not want an older child. Sadly, that is the case quite often and many of the foster children know that once they hit around 8 years old, the will most likely not get adopted. Another sibling of Amber’s is her “Brousin” this is because her birth father had a baby with her birth mom’s sister. This then created the life of her “brousin” whom she does not know personally, but he is in the Foster Care System now at 16 years old.

Amber’s birth mom chose life and she is forever grateful. She is not upset with her birth mom for putting her up for adoption, but instead she felt sorry for her. Her birth mom was misguided and had a bad relationship with her own parents and there was no way Amber could blame her for not being able to take of her and all her siblings. When Amber was in foster care, she was able to have contact with her birth mom and they had monthly meetings together. The main purpose of foster care is to heal the mother and child so that in the end, they can be reunified, but unfortunately for Amber, her mom did not get to that stage and they had to cut off ties. Unfortunately, this past year her birth mom passed away from a hereditary cancer. When her birth mom had cancer, her adoptive mom/”real” mom urged her to visit her birth mom in the hospital and go to her funeral. Amber did visit her in the hospital and that gave her the closure she had needed and ended up not attending the funeral.

Every time Amber was informed that she would be going to another house, she was hurt because she had yearned to get adopted. Since she had been in and out of houses so often, she developed a mentality where she thought she would never get adopted and would just get passed on from house to house. She said by the age of 8 she was getting kind of sick and tired of just being passed around and was aware that the likeliness of being adopted after the age of 8 was very unlikely. Although she was not adopted by these families, she became very close with a few of them and still has contact with them to this day. In fact, one of her families was so close to her she has a “heart sister.” This basically means that they were together for so long that they consider each other as sisters even though they are not actually. Amber was a part of that family for three whole years and still considers them family. Another person who holds a special place in her heart is her former case worker. She was with Amber since she first entered the foster care system and worked with her until Amber was 8 years old. The two of them became close and the really neat thing is that her case worker said she would not retire until she was adopted. Then, once Amber was adopted, she retired a week after. It truly is the special people like her who make everything so much sweeter and better. To this day, Amber also considers her as family and visits her often too.

Sadly for Amber, her experience in the foster care system was so traumatic, she has remembered every single detail from her life. However, now she wants to use her experiences and continue to pursue her criminal justice degree at Northampton Community College and become a cop, lawyer, juvenile helper, or wherever her life takes her. In the end, she wants to help older foster kids get adopted or provide them with the necessary tools to succeed in life once they are emancipated (age out) from the system.

Now, Amber is living a happy life with her forever Mom, Dad, and dog Maisie. Right now she is the first woman to go to college from her birth family. If it weren’t for foster care, she would never of had the opportunities she has no or be the amazing person she is now. There were many forks in the road, but in the end, it straightened out and she found a forever home.

Special date: May 8th - Adoption Day: It was the day that I came to have a family.

Who are you and what do you do?

My name is Carmen. I am a transracial adoptee from Guatemala. Currently I’m about to start my third year student at Michigan State University. My major is Human Development and Family Studies and I am minoring in Spanish.

How are you impacted by adoption?

I was adopted from Guatemala at the age of 6 months.

What is the biggest challenge you faced related to adoption?

My sense of identity has definitely been impacted by adoption. As you grow up you have the typical non adopted related issues like figuring out who you’re going to become. However with adoption there is even more you start questioning who you are. For me I started questioning where I belonged in society. I never really understood my culture so I thought I shouldn’t do this because I’m not entirely that. I didn’t know where I felt comfortable in this world. I am Latina but I grew up in white family. Who am I?

What do you wish people knew about adoption?

I wish people were more aware of what adoption can do to the adoptee. In particular ones that are more quiet. Yes we all know the positives but that the negatives were more out in public for adoptive families to be prepared for what my happen. With this adoptive families can look out for any behavior that may be different. In cases the adoptee may not approach the family, but they can be prepared for what to do in a situation.

What have you done to support the adoption community?

I used to have an adoption blog where I would share my story as an adoptee I have since changed to my personal instagram to expand my audience. I have volunteered at CAFFA Kaleidoscope Culture Camp where I led younger adoptees from Latin America in activities where they can learn about their culture. Recently I have started sharing my adoption story on TikTok.

How has your opinion about adoption changed as you got older?

As I got older my view on adoption has changed. I used to think of it as this perfectly happy shiny thing that I was proud of. I think it actually became my personality when I was little. However as I have become familiar with myself I have become aware of the negatives that come along with adoption. Despite the many negatives I am still appreciative of the fact that I was adopted and have a loving family.

What has helped/supported you through learning your adoption story?

Learning more about my culture to have that connection helps just that much more. I find that journaling often helps. Whenever I have a thought about myself, my adoption or even just something that happened that day jotting it down and expressing my thoughts helps clear my head.

What is your favorite quote/lesson you learned?

My favorite lesson is one that my adoptive mother has taught me. One that she learned a while ago. Letting someone who loves you, help you, is a gift you give to them.

Tell us a wacky fact about yourself no one else would expect!

For an extremely introverted person I tend to do activities that need a lot of bravery.

Instagram: @carmencampbell_

TikTok: @theadoptedchapina

Special date: November 16th Birthday

Who are you and what do you do?

I am a high school senior at Copenhagen Central School. I am Miss Pride of New York’s Outstanding Teen 2020 and my personal platform is the Pajama Program. I am very involved in my school and community.  I love volunteering and advocacy. I am sharing my story to inspire people to get involved in their communities and to consider supporting adoption or even choosing adoption.

How are you impacted by adoption?

I was born in China and because of the one-child policy at the time, I was abandoned by my birth parents. I was only one year old when I was adopted but I have a strong connection to my heritage and past. My family has been blessed by adoption three times. My youngest sister was adopted from our local foster care system in the U.S., and my older sister was adopted from China like I was.

What is the biggest challenge you faced related to adoption?

I receive lots of love and kindness, however, I do still receive racism and hate. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt but sometimes I must stand up for myself and my Asian heritage. I live in an area where there is a lack of diversity. I think it’s important to educate myself and my community by having those difficult conversations about race and racism. I also have to remember that racist and ignorant comments should not make me feel ashamed of who I am.

What do you wish people knew about adoption?

There are many types of adoption and there are many organizations that can help families adopt. Adoption is a beautiful process and every adoption story is different, but the goal should always be to provide a child with a loving home, so please consider opening your heart to adoption. If you cannot adoption yourself, then please consider supporting the adoption community.

What have you done to support the adoption community?

My work with the Pajama Program has promoted foster care and adoption. Additionally, I share my story to almost everyone I meet in hopes I gain another person to support the adoption community. Connecting with people and telling stories is what I'm all about.

How has your opinion about adoption changed as you got older?

As I got older I felt more accepted because of social media. I connected with more adoptees and I spoke more openly about my adoption. I also recently did a 23 and me DNA test and I've become more interested in learning about my heritage. I was never into "finding" my birth parents however, I am interested am learning my about my culture and my roots.

What has helped/supported you through learning your adoption story?

Again social media and people like Avia make the adoption community so amazing. I am blessed to have an amazing support system who are willing to assist me in my journey. My parents have always encouraged me to be curious and they've always told me as much as they could about my adoption story.

What is your favorite quote/lesson you learned?

"Family is not defined by our genes, but it is built and maintained through love"  I think adoption is all about the love and relationships we forms with others. It takes one person to love and care for a child, and then infinitely change their lives.

Tell us a wacky fact about yourself no one else would expect!

I can cry on command

Tell us anything else you want people to know.

For adoptees, I encourage you to show your gratitude to the people who support you. For both adoptees and adoptive parents, reflect upon your family’s journey and share your story with others. This will help spread adoption awareness by you advocating for adoption.   I know adoption is not traditionally the first option potential parents think of. I have to say that I think our world is becoming more accepting and I see more people considering adoption. Adopting is not for everyone but it is worth being educated about and advocating for as a positive option for children who need a permanent, loving family.

Instagram - @anna_spaulding6 

Special date: August 29 - the day I met my biological family for the first time

Who are you and what do you do?

Hello! I'm Rae, a domestic adoptee adopted out of the foster care system at age 3. I work as a recovery coach for individuals recovering from the effects of addiction, adoption and abuse. Together with my clients I help them understand their adoption story, develop skills needed for relationships and reunions and explore their adoption experience to develop their identity more authentically. I work with adoptees who are just coming out of the fog and adoptees who have been exploring their adoption journey for years and seeing my client's discover themselves gives me something to wake up for every day.

How are you impacted by adoption?

My entire identity has been stripped from me multiple times, both as a child growing up in my adoptive home, as a young adult facing spiritual abuse and abandoning my religion, and just this last year, meeting my biological family for the first time.

What is the biggest challenge you faced related to adoption?

I struggle a lot with the hypervigilance and tendency to pursue unhealthy patterns and lifestyles because of adoption trauma. I especially have a hard time feeling comfortable and confident with stability in careers, hobbies and relationships.

What do you wish people knew about adoption?

I wish people knew that adoption leaves complex scars and takes more than just love and therapy. I wish people knew that recovery coaches like myself exist to help you tell your story and develop skills to enter recovery after leaving the adoption fog.

What have you done to support the adoption community?

On my Instagram I provide extensive trauma-informed content, and adoptee-focused mental health Mondays every Monday. I also host adoptee interviews on a range of important subjects from parenting as an adoptee to overcoming people pleasing. Of course, my biggest contribution to the adoptee community is as a recovery coach, working one-on-one with adoptees, and sometimes biological parents, to help them walk their adoption journey.

How has your opinion about adoption changed as you got older?

I think I see adoption as vastly complex and unique for everyone. Talking to fellow adoptees makes it clear that adoption leaves incredibly complicated wounds that drain people's resources and self worth in so many ways. It isn't straightforward. It takes more than just listening to an adoptee's story to help an adoptee heal and come into themselves.

What has helped/supported you through learning your adoption story?

Fellow domestic adoptees who share their experience online, lots of therapy, and adoption books. 

What is your favorite quote/lesson you learned?

"As an Adoptee, you have already survived the greatest loss and the greatest unknown. Adoptees can do anything they set their minds to. "

Tell us a wacky fact about yourself no one else would expect!

I was engaged once! I broke it off halfway through wedding planning. After escaping that relationship I really started to come out of the adoptee fog for the first time. (That's part of my adoption story and journey to being a recovery coach actually)

Tell us anything else you want people to know.

For adoptees seeking coaching and support, I encourage you to visit my website at raekrecoverycoach.com. Preliminary meet-and-greets are always free!

Instagram - @adoptee_reclaimed

Birthday - July 10th

Who are you and what do you do?

I am a writer, founder of the adoptee influencer network, a creative a mother and an introvert.

How are you impacted by adoption?

I was adopted the day I was born.

What is the biggest challenge you faced that is related to adoption?

Disenfranchised grief and internalized racism.

What do you wish everyone knew about adoption?

That trauma and loss is inherent in adoption and that needs to be the default expectation and focus, not that is awesome or beautiful.

What have you done to support the adoption community?

Creating a place for adoptee creatives to collaborate and support one another. I'm also working with a non-profit that specializes in racial literacy to educate their community on the experiences of transracial adoptees.

How has your opinion about changed as you got older?

The older I get, the more adoption hurts and deeper I feel the loss. When I was younger I thought more about grades or boys or impressing my boss at work. Now as I focus on my own family and the inner workings of my life I realize that I had suppressed so much pain and never learned to give myself space to sit in it and move through it.

What has helped/supported you through learning about your adoption story?

Other adoptees. Listening and learning from them. Being in community with them.

What is your favorite lesson/quote you learned?

The one about the adoption being the only trauma that the whole of society expects people to be grateful for by Rev. Keith

Tell us a wacky fact about you no one would expect.

I am a licensed amateur radio operator, aka HAM.

Tell us anything about adoption you want people to know.

Follow adoptee content creators and support their work!

Instagram - @CoachHenness

Birthday: 12/04/1982

Who are you and what do you do?

My name is Andie and I am an adoptee and an adoptive mother. Though I see primarily through my adopted lens. I share my story and educate through social media and podcasting. I am currently getting my Master of Social Work so I can become an Adoption Therapist.

How are you impacted by adoption?

I was adopted and have adopted.

What is the biggest challenge you faced related to adoption?

My biggest challenges have been the mental and physical repercussions of my adoption. I have physical trauma both in the structure of my brain as well as my body. This comes out through mental illness and autoimmune disease which I have to battle daily. It is a constant reminder that I experienced traumatic events and my Body Kept the Score.

What do you wish people knew about adoption?

I wish people knew how nuanced adoption was. I wish they knew adoption was trauma both to the adoptees and the biological families. I wish they could recognize their own saviorism and spiritual bypassing when it comes to adoption and interacting with adoptees. This just perpetuates the trauma and harm done to both adoptees and biological families.

What have you done to support the adoption community?

I share my story as well as educate. I offer Adoption Advising. I do a podcast with a fellow social worker and adoptive parent called Trauma-Informed Everything. We started this podcast in hopes to get trauma education in the hands of more people. The adoption community was definitely in mind when we were brainstorming.

How has your opinion about adoption changed as you got older?

At 34 I abruptly came out of the adoptee fog when I learned about Trauma in a foster care training class. I finally had a name to what was happening in my body. I immediately entered into therapy and have been working on my trauma processing, healing, and recovery ever since. 

Since then, I now understand the nuances of adoption. I know understand the pain that adoption brings to adoptees and biological families. I can acknowledge the dichotomy that lives inside me and the adoption community that the industry wants to silence.

What has helped/supported you through learning your adoption story?

Finding other Adoptees. Hands down this has saved my life. Leaning in with Birth/First Moms who have shown me that not all Birth/First moms are like mine. Therapy. I needed a wise counsel to lead me through some of my darkest moments. I needed a place where I could go to be heard and speak through my anger and trauma without shame or expectations.  I am learning to love myself and stand up for my silenced voice because of these communities.

What is your favorite quote/lesson you learned?

I am badass.

Tell us a wacky fact about yourself no one else would expect!

I married my ex boyfriends best friend.

Tell us anything else you want people to know.

You have value.

Instagram - @andie.ink & @traumainformedeverything

Special date: 01/03/1966

Who are you and what do you do?

My name is Lorah. I go by the Adopted Chameleon. I feel that I am so many things that a chameleon seemed like a fitting totem. I am not working right now. I use to work as a social media/marketing manager for Whole Foods Market and several local businesses. I also worked as an interior designer. I have started writing my book and just launched my Facebook and Instagram pages. I also became a kundalini yoga instructor and Reiki Master this year. I have been busy this year. It feels like this is how I am going to heal myself.

How are you impacted by adoption?

When I was in my mid20’s my Acousin found my mother. She told my Acousin that she didn’t want her husband and MY sisters to find out about me. That she would get a restraining order. I suppressed that memory. I wrote her some letters years later. I also tried calling a couple of times. I never heard back. She died in 2016 from breast cancer.  I have tried to contact the man I believe to be my father and he has never responded either. I have been ignored by both of my parents. I also found out that my grandmother, mom's mother, ignored me too. The state of Tennessee had contacted her too. I have been ignored, rejected, hidden and lied about.

What is the biggest challenge you faced related to adoption?

I feel I lack self-confidence. It seems like I try twice as hard to get a fraction of the recognition as others. Whether this is real or imagined, it's a feeling I had to come to terms with.  I want to move forward with my big ideas but then I think, who cares?  I get stuck in freeze.  I also suffer from anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation. Since I never knew either of my birth parents, I feel a loss in my life that I can never fill. I am angry at the way they treated me. Also, the way the law allows it to happen.

What do you wish people knew about adoption?

I wish people knew how painful adoption can be. I want them to know what the fog is. How it is possible to have good adoptive parents and still have trauma. What it is like going to the doctor and not being able to fill out those forms. It makes me mad that I don't have basic health history from my family and that adoption laws say they are for the best of the child. That all adoption starts with grief and loss. That there is a lifetime of healing that comes along with adoption. Also a huge financial burden.

What have you done to support the adoption community?

In the past year, I have joined adoptee groups. I participated in Zoom meetings, getting to know other adoptees and listening to their stories. I have taken a writing course from adoptee author Anne Heffron. It gave me the courage to write my book, which I am working on now. I started my social pages on Instagram and Facebook. I share content that I hope will be educational, informative and healing. I have talked to adoptees in person, through Messenger, Zoom and on the phone. I want to hear as many stories as possible. Every one of them is as different as a snowflake but there are many similarities in the way we feel.

How has your opinion about adoption changed as you got older?

I just came out of the fog last year when I was 53. So I am only a year older. It feels like it has been much longer. In one year, I found my half-sisters through my mother's obituary on Ancestry. I have met them and gotten to know them over the year. I still speak to one of them. The other one seems to be ignoring me right now. I guess that runs in the family. Ouch! I also met some bio cousins. I still talk to a couple.

What has helped/supported you through learning your adoption story?

Having my husband support me and one of my sisters is everything to me. She accepted me and that meant so much. It probably wasn't easy for her to hear my story but she gave e space. The feeling when I first touched people with my DNA, it was like touching the hand of God. I had dreamt of it all my life. I felt like I grew up with them but couldn't get to them.  With their support and my kundalini training, I have the tools to work through the trauma. I also support myself with Zoom meetings, classes, books, webinars and any resource I think will help bring a new perspective and knowing.

What is your favorite quote/lesson you learned?

In my life there has been great trauma and remarkable triumph.  There have been horrible choices and tremendous healing.  For some I have been a villain, for others a love, a healer, a blessing.  My life has been a kaleidoscope of truths and I accept myself in all of them. Dr. Heidi Green

Tell us a wacky fact about yourself no one else would expect!

I love to dress up in costumes. I like to be other things and personalities. I still have my very first silver aluminum Christmas Tree. I love to decorate for Halloween and Christmas. Our neighborhood has holiday decorating contests and we have won the past 2 years!

Tell us anything else you want people to know.

After I heal from the surgery I am having next week. I hope to get to start teaching kundalini and do more Reiki sessions. I want to start healing my fellow adoptees and all who need help. I hope my social pages and eventually my book will help me heal while helping others heal. 

Instagram - @thedoptedchameleon

Facebook - The Chameleon

Special date: Birth certificate birthday: August 17, 1995 - Assumed to be real birthday - October 1, 1995

Who are you and what do you do?

Hi, my name is Xiaoling! I was adopted from Jiangxi, China in March of 1996 at the age of 6 months old. I was raised in the suburbs of New York City. I am currently living in South Carolina but I travel consistently around the United States.  

I am a landscape and nature photographer. I love hiking, camping, backpacking and taking photos. I also just started the Instagram account @adoptee_love which focuses on adoptees sharing moments of loving their life and themselves. During NAAM, there's much more of a focus on uplifting adoptee voices speaking about their adoption but throughout the year, it will be more focused on moments of joy and love as a human experiencing life.

What is the biggest challenge you faced related to adoption?

I wish I had the language to talk about adoption when others would tell me what my life was like but instead, I'd just keep silent. When someone would say "you were saved", I would nod my head. I'd internalize that feeling of someone who had to be saved. Someone who owed my parents my life. Someone who owed it to society to be the best Chinese American possible, I wish I could have had a better response than just nothing. Because that response felt like I was keeping myself safe from critique but it was really damaging. It also told others that those comments were acceptable. That being said, I don't actually wish anything different because all of my experiences have made me the person I am today.

What do you wish people knew about adoption?

I wish people understood that adoption is complex. I grew up hearing "Your parents saved you" "You must be so grateful" "You should be grateful" "Your parents are so generous" "You could have died but you were given a second chance" "You...etc"  Let adoptees come to their own conclusions about life. Nobody should tell others what their life is about and how they should feel. Adoption stories are all different.

Let adoptees tell you how they feel about it before you jump in and make conclusions. It can be beautiful, sad, amazing, traumatic, joyous...It's not just one thing.

What have you done to support the adoption community?

I love connecting with other adoptees and supporting their work. I've been inspired to create my own adoptee focused instagram account @adoptee_love because of everyone else. I've seen a lot of adoptees talking about their trauma, their healing, moments in life they enjoy without even mentioning adoption and I wanted to combine those stories onto one account. It's also an account that I wish I had seen when I was just coming out of the fog. I thought, will I feel sad and depressed forever? Now that I've seen adoption as trauma, will I always feel this angry and upset? But no, adoptees all have their own journeys. We all have moments of love and acceptance and light in our life. So I want one place where it's full of adoptees telling their stories of healing, self growth, love and acceptance.

How has your opinion about adoption changed as you got older?

When I was 23, I came across a youtube video where someone my age was talking about adoption being complex. I was shocked. I thought adoption was all great. I was happy growing up, I had a loving family, I didn't think adoption was anything but good. I also had a lot of people telling me that story. I was saved, my parents were saviors, they were so generous, I should be grateful etc. That's when I started watching more videos and seeking out other adoptees talking about adoption. I began to "come out of the fog" and see the complexity of adoption. I had a happy childhood but that doesn't mean I didn't have those moments where other kids would question my asian-ness or lack thereof. Not white enough to be one of them but not Asian enough either. There were moments when teachers would be confused about my name, my last name, my comment about my older brother etc. All of those moments were blurred because I didn't have the language to express my discomfort. I wanted to be the happy, well-adjusted, grateful adoptee. I am grateful for my life, not because I was adopted, I'm grateful for my life because this world is beautiful and I love experiencing it.

What has helped/supported you through learning your adoption story?

Listening to and connecting with other adoptees and feeling less alone. I have definitely found my community through Instagram and Facebook. Subtle Asian Adoptee Traits is a Facebook group I didn't even know I wanted or needed. I've made great connections with people through the zoom calls, the group discussion page, the many subgroups for specific interests and through personal messages. I particularly love the zoom calls. I had never been around so many people who looked like me and who I can relate to without having to explain my adoption. It's also a space to chat about daily life. I love the wide variety of ages, genders, Asian birth countries, current locations etc. It's been such a welcoming and supportive community. 

I'm very excited to grow my new instagram @adoptee_love and connect with more adoptees of different backgrounds. I am most familiar with resources and groups for Asian adoptees but I want my page to be inclusive of all different adoptees. I look forward to learning from others and helping others find specific communities, resources, events etc. that they've been looking for :)

I also spend a lot of time outside and I think that helps me more than I even realize. I've spent at least 3 months outside the past three years, hiking, camping, backpacking, taking photos. It's where I feel happiest and alive.

What is your favorite quote/lesson you learned?

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined" -Henry David Thoreau 

I've always loved this quote but I haven't always followed it. A lot of my "dreams" seemed to be dictated by other people, parents, teachers, friends etc. I have a teaching license and it seemed like if I wasn't in a classroom teaching, I wasn't worthy. I internalized that feeling. I don't feel that way anymore. I am worthy with or without using my teaching license. I can help others even if I'm not in a classroom. I feel like I am finally learning to follow my own voice and go after what I want and what I need. Spending so much time outside isn't seen as "productive" or "sustainable" in life but it doesn't really matter to me if I can make it work.

Tell us a wacky fact about yourself no one else would expect!

I love making stained glass pieces and if I ever settle down in one place, I want a stained glass studio. I took a month long class in college and immediately loved it. I took an open studio course each month for the rest of the year. I made a lot of personalized Christmas gifts. I loved the feeling of working with my hands to create something beautiful and personal.

Instagram - @xiaolingkeller and @adoptee_love

Adoption day: January 3, 2006

Who are you and what do you do?

I am Marissa Maynard and I love to travel and visit new places. I do Taekwondo, and have been doing martial arts since I was 5 years old. I am apart of my schools art club, asian cultures club, calculus club, random acts of kindness club, and wildlife club. I used to do underwater robotics for a club, unaffiliated with any specific high school, and I used to row for a local team in my area.

How are you impacted by adoption?

I am an adoptee, along with my sister. By being adopted, we do not know our medical histories nor do we know if our behaviours are because of our genetics or if it is because of our environments, etc. My relationship with my parents and siblings, I feel, has been impacted by adoption.

What is the biggest challenge you faced that is related to adoption?

Creating ties with my family

What do you wish people knew about adoption?

Parents who give up their babies for adoption do not always have a choice. Sometimes, they are forced to give up their babies.

What have you done to support the adoption community?

I am a part of adoptee groups and supported an adoption event

How has your opinion about adoption changed as you got older?

It really hasn't

What has helped/supported you through learning about your adoption story?

my friends (aka, other adoptees)

What is your favorite quote or lesson you learned?

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes, That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes. -Jack Handey

Tell us a wacky fact about yourself no one would expect!

i can make a variety of weird voices

Instagram: @kailua_maynard Facebook: Marissa Maynard

 How did November fly by so fast? It is crazy to believe that it’s already December, but it is time to gather around and appreciate what we have and celebrate it with hot chocolate and eggnog. Then ringing in the New Year with friends, family, pets, you name it. I wanted to thank all of you who have been with me throughout National Adoption Month and read the adoption stories and helped me fundraise. It truly means the world. If you’re new, welcome! Check out the blog for more adoption stories and educational articles written by yours truly. ;) Anyway, I wanted to end National Adoption Month with this beautiful adoption story of this beautiful family. When we think about adoption, it is not commonly perceived as plausible because of the mix of blood. However, this story shows that adoption is not an invalid way to build a family and the beauty of diversity in a family.

       Without further ado, I cannot wait to share Christy Gior’s story! 

       Their story first begins when Christy decided to foster. She was inspired to foster children because she grew up with her parents fostering. Additionally, one of her friends had adopted a girl through the foster care system and everyone just loved her. These factors made it an easy decision for Christy because they already knew what it was like and all the joy it brought! 

       When they first decided to foster, it was a little challenging at first because people were judgmental. However, as their kids grew up, people turned out to be supportive and kind-hearted more than ever which created an accepting environment that could be enjoyed by all. Another neat thing about having children of different ethnicities is that she has been able to learn how to do her daughter’s hair which was a challenge at first, but now she loves every second of it!

       It took Christy 2 years and 8 months for her most recent adoption which was on October 30th of 2019. Now they are a beautiful family of 7. After 8 years of fostering, Christy and her husband are proud to say that she has 4 daughters and 1 boy each of a different ethnicity. Her kids are African American, Japanese, and Brazilian. She says that they are unique and different from each other, but the entire family is bonded through love not biologically. They are all born within 3 years of each other too. Christy and her husband have three 7 year-olds, a 5 years-old, and a 4 year-old. Christy says that her family was chosen and her girls were meant to found her, meant to be sisters, and meant to grow up together. Everything falls into place and there is a plan just waiting to unfold.

       Christy says “not one family is the same. Don’t be afraid of differences. Nowadays it is refreshingly common to see different skin tones and backgrounds within a family.” 

       Huge thank you to Christy for sharing her story and once again, thank you all for sharing the month of November with me! 

Happy Thanksgiving to you all! I am SO thankful for all of you! You have no idea how grateful I am that you are here reading this! Because of you, I am where I am now and I hope this day fills you with joy and lots of turkey! 

     National Adoption Month is almost over! With your help, we are truly redefining the American Family and showing that adoption is an option. 

     For today’s adoption spotlight, I am so excited to introduce Mrs. Deibert. She is an absolutely wonderful human and in every way possible so I’m so excited to share her story and all that she’s doing because she truly rocks! I had the opportunity to talk with her and get her story firsthand and now I get to share it with you now! 

     Mrs. Deibert was adopted. At 3 months old on February 21st, 1971. Her parents had infertility challenges for 6 years, so as a result, they adopted her. Then, 6 months later, they had their own biological child who became her brother. 

     When Mrs. Deibert was conceived, her birth mother was young and was dating a guy at the time. When she told him she was pregnant, he said that they would get married and care for the child together, but it did not work out. Later on, they found out that he did this to their women in other states as well. When she was born, her birth mom kept for one week then put her up for adoption. During the 1970’s, adoption was a whole lot different than it is now and it was harder in its own ways. In fact, it was one year before the infamous Roe v. Wade court case that changed the way abortions were handled. This means that her adoption story could have been completely different if it just occurred one year later. During the 70’s , the process was not quite as long as it is today. Before she moved in with her forever family, she stayed with another foster family which was a year before the process was finalized. Additionally, when her parents found out that she was pregnant with her own child, the agency tried to see if they wanted to give Mrs. Deibert back for another family to have. Sort of in a way as if one were to return a package. This was hard on her because she felt like a little doll who people just handed around and could be returned. In her eyes, it was inhuman to do this to kids because they are not property and deserve a family that would love them forever. Once her parents won that dispute with the adoption agency, they had her for 6 months until they were finally able to finalize the adoption.

     Growing up, she always knew that she was adopted. Her parents kept an open communication with her as she grew up and told her that she was “chosen.” Also, she saw all of her adoption paperwork and process whenever she wanted. Mrs. Deibert knew her birth name as Donna Himmelberger which would come to play later in her life. Once in high school, her English teacher had come up to her parents and grandparents saying that she could see the similarity between her and her grandmother. It was funny because they weren’t related by blood at all, but it taught her that one doesn’t need nature to be a family.

     To carry on from that, in her 20’s, Mrs. Deibert felt that there was just a piece of her missing and that she didn’t quite know who she was. She felt that finding her birth parents would give her that closure and truly allow her to find herself. As a result, she began her search for her parents, but she did it half-heartedly because she knew that the odds of finding them were not too high. Additionally, if she didn’t find them, she would be okay because she loved her current family so much and knew that she would always have them. In the 1990’s, she looked on ancestry genealogy programs to find her parents. On one of the websites, she found a woman in Washington with the same last name as her and said that she would get in touch with her husband to see. However it wasn’t the same family. Nevertheless, she still kept looking and on another website she found her match. She found a result with her name and everything so she decided to send her a simple letter saying that she was looking for a family member. There was not a reply for a month. During this time, Mrs. Deibert told her parents about her search for her birth parents. After a week of silence, they spoke out saying that they were hurt, but they supported her in everything she did. They knew that she did it for personal reasons rather than in spite of her family. 

      A month later, her birth mom replied to her letter saying that it was really, really hard for her to reply. She made the decision that she didn’t want any contact with Mrs. Deibert and it was hard for her because she felt so bad. As for Mrs. Deibert, she knew that it was her birth mom's decision and had nothing to do with her and it was okay because she had gotten closure and realized the truth to her story. For years, she thought that her Cinderella story would be finding her birth parents, but her Cinderella story was being adopted in 1970. Her birth parents wanted the best for her. When they gave her up, it allowed her to write her own story without them; a story that would be better without them with more opportunities and chances. 

     Now, she works part-time as an insurance customer representative from home. She works from home because she wanted to be able to raise her kids since family was so important to her. Being adopted and being raised by her parents allowed her to see the values of family. Additionally, her mom stayed home to raise her and her brother when she was younger so she followed in her steps. Now she has her daughter, Sarah, who is in 8th grade and plays soccer. She also has Matthew, her son who is 17 and plays baseball. 

     There were also many coincidences in her adoption and to make sure I get it right, I quote her saying “My half brother (my biological mom’s son) was born October 19, my adoptive parents anniversary data. And my biological mom, whose first name is the same as my adoptive mom, was married August 10, my adoptive brother’s birthday. And she married Richard P. - my biological father is named Richard. There were simply too many “signs” to ignore which is why it wasn’t hard to imagine this was my biological mom.” That’s crazy cool right? If that doesn’t show it was meant to be I don’t know what does.

     Mrs. Deibert says to be careful what you wish for. She wished to gain contact with her birth parents and when she was rejected, it ruined her vision of of roses. Instead, it became thorny. However, these thorn helped her find and learn about herself and where she was from. This shaped her as a person and put her through challenges that would prepare her for the future. 

     She firmly believes that adoption should always happen in all forms; babies, kids, and teens because they all deserve a chance at love. She is very fortunate to have had that. She also believes that prices for adoption should be lower because it kind of demotes people from adopting because they could be amazing parents, but some people just don’t have the opportunity. On a personal level, she thought about adoption, but she had two of her own children already, so she wanted another family to have that opportunity. 

     Her story is so unique and interesting. Thank you so much for sharing your story with everyone because it truly is making a difference in the world and raising awareness. Can’t wait to see everyone back later for another adoption story. 

I know that I have been talking about help us adopt.org a lot lately, but I had such a fun time at their event last month and I’m so honored to take part in such a worthwhile cause. With that being said, hopefully in the future, you’re going to hear so much more with this incredible organization. This leads in today’s adoption spotlight because I actually met this fabulous person at the benefit. She gave a wonderful speech, so I want to make sure you get some parts of it since it was so outstanding! 

It my privilege to share with you, Jacqui Hunt’s adoption story. 

  “I stand before you as both an adoptive mom and a birth mother. I became a pregnant teenager in the early 1980's. Considering that time and my upbringing in a Catholic family, the idea of being a single parent felt too shameful to consider. I felt my son deserved a better life than I could provide so I made an adoption plan and decided to work with an adoption lawyer. I lived in a maternity home while I was pregnant so that my extended family didn’t have to know about my condition. When I gave birth, I waited one day before calling the lawyer to relinquish my son to his adoptive family. I remember when his new family came to pick him up.  They were so happy.  As I walked out of the room.  His adoptive father kissed me on the cheek. Back then, there was no such thing as a post adoption contact agreement. So other than one picture, that one day was the last I saw of my son until he was 22 years old. Later in life, when I was approaching 40, I began to think of having a family. I became pregnant at 41, but unfortunately I lost my baby. I thought of my son, and decided to send his adoptive mother a letter. Soon after, I got an email from Patrick, my son. We met and had dinner at a restaurant on the Lower East Side. He was wearing a grey hoodie sweatshirt and jeans. And one of the first things he said to me was, “Thanks, for the moles.” About a year later, he moved to New York. We would get together, have dinner, and just talk. I loved to hear about his life and the successful person he had become. Now he lives in California with his wife. We stay in touch through email and occasional visits. Being in contact with Patrick brought up many unresolved feelings. So I sought support and found Spence-Chapin.  They had a birth mother support group which helped me to start a process of healing. This was my first contact with Spence-Chapin and I already felt supported.  I guess that’s essentially what home is, right?  A place of healing and support. 

My journey to build a family continued. I spoke with Patrick about starting a family.  He gave me a vote of confidence by telling me "I think you would be a wonderful mom.” After 2 IVF attempts and countless mornings spent at the fertility doctor, I started looking into adoption. I was adopting as a single mother, so I wanted to create a strong support system. I started to let people know I was trying to adopt a baby. When I heard that Spence was taking applications for domestic adoptions, I immediately applied. Monica was so warm and supportive through the many opportunities that didn’t work out. She would stay on the phone with me for the disappointments, and then, for the one, glorious call when I first heard about Carina. That call is still burned in my memory as one of the best calls of my life even though at first I was careful not to get excited, for fear it would be another disappointment. I knew it was real, though, when she asked me to fill out 'just a few’ more forms. When Carina came home, that support system I had built came through. My family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, my son Patrick, basically everyone I knew was on board. Unfortunately, I lost my mom about a year before the adoption, but she was supportive too before she passed. Her quilting group threw me a baby shower and now Carina has about 10 grandmothers. Because that’s what adoption is about. Love for a child. She’s a happy baby who has a sweet demeanor, she’s strong, smart, healthy, and she has a great sense of humor. Although I’ve been a mother for decades, now I get to be a parent every day to my lovely daughter, Carina.  It’s more fulfilling and joyous than I could have ever imagined. I absolutely love being a mom.”

Carina was born August 1st and was adopted on August 14th of 2018, and she is so LOVED! 

Jacqui’s  story is so inspiring because it really shows the connections of adoption and how it can really affect one person. Jacqui had numerous opportunities to adopt and time where she was really close as well. In fact, it was 3 times birth families placed their children in interim care, but they ended up changing their mind and kept the baby. She remembers every detail of it. She said you need to build a support system. As a single parent, that system helps and then when the baby comes home, you have all those people to celebrate with you! 

She shares her wisdom from all her experiences she faced with us which is so kind of her. She says to keep going and have the mindset that it is going to be hard. Don’t get too attached to each opportunity and try to believe in the process, keep going through the motion even though it’s so painful, keep believing. If you don’t keep trying, it will never happen. You will feel sad, but keep doing what you have been doing and try to change it up, maybe new agencies, speak out about it, advertise to give yourself the control you need. Keep believing that it will work out and have a process of healing, give yourself time and put one foot in front of the other. Keep doing something. She is so inspirational and I really hope her words help you out! 

As for me, I hope that I am inspiring you to do something. Whether it’s reading educating yourself about adoption by reading these stories or you have your own organization, every little action matters and makes a difference. They help many people and go a long way. I want to thank Jacqui for sharing her story with us and I wish her the best of luck as she changes the world with Carina!

“I heard about unplanned pregnancies my whole life. But never in a million years did I ever think it could happen to me. I was adopted at age three from foster care and my adoption story is all sorts of messy, but with no regrets. I have 3 wonderful siblings, two parents that love me, and all that I ever wanted or needed that came out of it. I have adopted cousins. I live and breathe adoption in my life.

Fast forward to the age of 20. I was living in a crappy run-down apartment with people I didn’t know very well, working a minimum wage job with no car, barely making it by. I was making all sort of bad decisions with the newfound freedom of being 20 and being away from my parents. Remember that one thing that I thought would never happen to me? Well it did. I was on and off dating a guy my parents hated and was not being safe. I ended up also sleeping with someone I barely knew after breaking up with my boyfriend for the millionth time. I took a pregnancy test in a local grocery store because I was too nervous to wait to go home and take it. It was negative. But I just knew that I was pregnant. I proceeded to buy 3 more tests and head home. I was emotional and scared. I waited till the next day and took another. There it was, two lines staring right at me. I took another and I swear it was negative again. I was freaking out even more. I ended up getting the pregnancy confirmed by a local clinic here. I was 6 weeks pregnant and scared. I had seen the effects of adoption on my own story, did I really think I could go that path for my son? I was conflicted because I was an adult. I did have a house, I did have a job, I could parent. But was I really prepared for that? I could have provided ALL the love for my son, but I couldn’t have provided a stable home, income, resources for him. I did not want my son to struggle while I still grew up myself. The awkward telling the father (which turned out to be not the father…. that made things a little awkward and complicated), then my parents which was the hardest conversation to have happened.

I slowly made steps in meeting families, meeting my adoption counselor through the agency, and figuring out my life. I didn’t tell many people, or lied about it, which looking back I’m ashamed of. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, and so is adoption. I was just young and scared of judgement, and I honestly could have used the support from people if I had just told them what was going on. My beautiful baby boy was born in April of 2014 and I dealt with the emotions of going through labor and hormone surges and drops. I tracked down the guy I barely knew to tell him about this all. That conversation beat the awkward one with my parents by a long shot. The birth dad ended up signing a form stating he was not the father and to terminate all rights. This was so hard on my already emotional state. 3 days later I signed over my rights to be his only mother and became his birth mom alongside his wonderful mom and his family. This title I wear fiercely and proudly almost 5.5 yrs. later. My story is interweaved with grief, pain, hardship, and SO SO much love.

Carson's adoption is open. Openness is a choice that was made between the two of our families It is not a legal obligation and I wouldn't want it to be. His parents don't owe me anything. It's not about me. I've been told how nice it is that they let me see Carson, and I always think, "Yes, and it was nice of me to give them a baby." Niceness on either side isn't the reason for openness. It's about what's best for the little boy we all love so much. We are open and honest about our relationship, but we also have boundaries. I'm not going to expect to be there every day and they don't think I'm never going to be around. I might have bad days and I will communicate that I need a few more pics to cheer me up. That's the beauty of open adoption. It is always changing.

Yes, placing Carson was the hardest thing I have done. I also think that is an absurd statement or question to ask me, "was it hard?" Have you ever heard other people question other means of grief? Do you hear people asking if someone who just lost their father, if it was hard? No. I didn't lose my son because he still is in my life, but I lose my identity of carrying a child for 9 months and returning home with no baby. I lost the identity of the mom I hope to be one day, temporarily.  Placement was so, so hard. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and I sincerely hope I never have to do anything harder because I don't think I could. But it is also the best, most amazing and wonderful thing that I have ever done. It was worth the hurt. 


I have made many mistakes in my life (and I will probably make a lot more) but Carson isn't one of them. Having Carson was the absolute best thing I've ever done. If I could live my life over, I think I'd make exactly the same mistakes again, because if even one little thing were different, I might not have had Carson, and the thought of that sounds awful!! I can't imagine my life without him. I can't imagine the world without him. 

I would place him with his family again. I would break my heart again for the sake of my little boy. I am a firm believer of everything happens for a reason and this applies. Carson came into this world for a reason. He changed not only my life but his family's. I strive to be a better person because of him, and I have learned so many hard things in life because of him. I have hard days. I feel like this was not the path I was supposed to take some days, but I do not regret my adoption at all. He is perfect and I can only wait to see what this crazy life has in store for us as our open adoption relationship grows.”

Happy Sunday everyone! Ofcourse as promised, we have an adoption spotlight!!!!! I am so excited to share this one with you because this person is the epitome of grace and beauty. I hope you sit back and enjoy Destiny Kluck’s adoption story. :)

At one day old, Destiny was left at a bus station in a town just outside of Nanchang, China. Unfortunately, Destiny was not able to be kept due to the One Child Policy at the time. When she was found, Destiny was then brought to an orphanage in China where she would wait to get adopted. Eventually, after 5 years total, and 2 of those years being paperwork, Destiny was placed with a forever family. An interesting fact about Destiny’s adoption, is that when she was adopted, her head was very flat. This was because she laid in a crib for so long.

Her mom said that when she heard about the one child policy and all the girls who were being given up, she felt that she had to be the one to help those girls and give them a home. She did exactly that and is an amazing human for doing that! Before Destiny, her parents fostered a child before coming to the conclusion that they did want to adopt. Destiny’s family is FULL of adoption and diversity! She has a younger sister that was also adopted and an older brother who was adopted as well. Fun fact: The place where her younger sister was adopted was just 200 miles away from where Destiny was adopted. Her parents did not think they were going to adopt another child, but they wanted Destiny to have another adoptee from another country in her life so she didn’t feel alone. In addition to her adopted siblings, she has an older sister who lives with a learning disability due to a brain bleed at a young age. Destiny’s father is also deaf. I wanted to take a second and recognize how diverse her family is. There are so many people in her family that come from different roots and have unique qualities. However, despite their differences, they have truly become a family that is “Made of Love Not Genes.”

WOW! That to me, is such an incredible story and  find so much joy in the fact that her family has so much love and adoption. They are “redefining the average American Family” and I cannot wait to see what else they all accomplish. Speaking of accomplishments, Destiny is very accomplished. No seriously, I mean REALLY accomplished! She had been dancing since the age of 2 and has found her fire and passion through dance. She says that it helps her connect with the world and find out she is as a person.

In addition to dance, Destiny is currently a students at a magnet STEM School where she currently holds a 4.5 GPA. >>>>>Peeps, that is including both honors and AP classes !!! Her academic knowledge and dedication to STEM has allowed her to become a World Science Scholar. A program where only 1 in 45 students are chosen for scholastic achievement. She aspires to be a neurosurgeon, and the rate she’s going she can take on the whole world in the meantime. Thank you so much for reading this AMAZING adoption story and I hope you guys check back for even more!!!

Quick little backstory- Michelle‘s adoptive brother is actually her real brother. They share the same mom, but they weren’t adopted together. Specifically, they are four years apart. Michelle is in fact my adoptive cousin, but I most definitely think of her as my real cousin, well because she is! ❤️

Ok down to business! Michelle was born and adopted from Tulsa, Oklahoma. After her adoptive parents whom we will refer to as her “real” parents, could not have children of their own, they adopted a boy named Alex. Alex is Michelle’s older brother as mentioned before. Then four years later, that same mother was having another child (which was Michelle) and Michelle’s parents adopted her from birth just like Alex. In between those four years, the same mother had another child with Alex’s birth father. Before Alex, the two had another boy. The two were married but then had a divorce. The birth mother then met another man and had a baby boy with him. Then, it was Michelle who would be born by the same two people. The cool thing about Michelle is that the birth mom contacted Michelle’s parents through the adoption agency that they adopted Alex through. 

Of course deciding to put a child up for adoption is extremely difficult. When Michelle’s birth mom was planning to put her up for adoption, she did not necessarily have all the support. Her birth father didn’t want her to be put up, but he did not want to be involved. Then her birth mom’s mom did not want her to be put up for adoption because she was the first girl. Despite these setbacks, her birth mom decided right and gave Michelle a better life! 

A nice thing that the birth mother did was make an adoption book. She wrote things about herself (her favorite things, thanked about her friends, family, children’s book about adoption, talked about Alex’s birth father not Michelle’s for some reason)  So Michelle has easy access to find and connect with her. She’s considered looking into her through Facebook, but decided not to because she truly loves her adoptive “real” parents, and she has no questions for birth mom. She doesn’t need her birth mom in her life. Would be cool to meet biological brothers, but won’t due to safety hazards. 

Overall, Michelle’s adoption story has a lot of depth to it and I think that it is really neat! In the future, Michelle says that she wants to adopt her own children. 😊

Today’s spotlight is RILEIGH PEDERSEN!!!!!!! Her type of adoption was a domestic adoption. In fact, she was adopted from birth. On August 13th, RILEIGH was born in Jacksonville, Florida. Fun fact: she was actually born during Hurricane Charlie. Her adoptive parents, who I will refer to as her “real parents” previously had trouble having children of their own, so they chose adoption. They lived in Port Washington, New York and used an adoption agency that their friends had used. After five years, paperwork, you name it, they finally got the exciting news that a baby was being born. Her real parents flew down Jacksonville to adopt their new baby. When Rileigh turned 3, they adopted another child at three days old, this time it was a boy in Jacksonville through the same agency :)!

According to the information she knows, her mom could not afford to care for her, so she chose adoption for Rileigh. That way, she could go on to live a better life. I want to draw light to this situation because I feel that it is a common misconception that parents put their children up for adoption because they don’t want them or anything negative. I want to clear that up. Almost all the time, it is because the birth parents could not provide the same life for that child as another family would. They mostly put up for adoption because they want to see that child live a better life. When I asked Rileigh if she ever wanted to contact her birth parents, she said she did. The reason why is because Rileigh wanted to thank them for giving her an amazing life with her new family and being so selfless to do that. She quotes, “I have a real mom and dad and I love them. I do not know my biological parents.”

A real cool aspect about Rileigh’s Adoptions is that she actually looks like her real parents. Meaning, she could probably pass as their biological daughter.

There are always hardships with being adopted for sure. Rileigh was so generous to share one with us! In fifth grade, her class was talking about the different ways families could have children and adoption became a topic of discussion. Rileigh knew that she was adopted and was proud to talk about it just like she is now :). One kids in her class had said that being adopted was weird because they didn’t even know their real parents. It is expectable that some tears would be shed because it’s true most of us don’t know our biological parents, but that’s another life that God decided we’d be better off without.

However, despite all the obstacles, look at Rileigh now. She is 14 years old and thriving. She uses her title as Young Miss New Hanover County 2018 to share her adoption story everywhere she goes.

     Welcome to my first adoption story spotlight!!! I am so excited for this specific post because this special person is one of my best friends that I met through Tae Kwon Do. Without further due, this is Taneisha's story.

    At age 16, Taneisha's mom gave birth to her. When Taneisha was just three, her mother was arrested and Taneisha began her journey in the foster care systems. She lived in a children's shelter in Florida for a while before she was moved to her first foster family. She lived with that family for awhile, but was then adopted by a family when she was five years old. Unfortunately, at age 9, Taneisha went back to the children's shelter. There, she met her forever parents, but at that time they were just her foster parents. She was 10 when she went with her foster parents and she was 11 when she became a part of their family.

    As mentioned before, Taneisha went through three foster families before finding her forever family. She says, "at one point I thought I was going to age out of the system". This isn't unordinary in foster systems. When the child turns 18, now, young adult is sent into the real world.

    Taneisha is forever thankful for what her adoptive parents provided her. They helped her find a passion for choir, theater, and swimming. She says that she felt an instant connection with her family from the beginning.

    Taneisha's biological mom has not reached out to her yet that she knows of and when I asked if she wanted to try to find her she wasn't sure. If she were to have the opportunity, Taneisha admits she would not know what to say. Personally for me, I feel the same way. I don't know if I want to go out and look for my birth parents. Mainly because I don't want to be disappointed.

    Now, Taneisha is 18 years old and actually has a birthday coming up! She is currently enrolled at Florida International University. She plans to obtain a masters degree in recreational sports management so she can later on become a sports therapist.

    Taneisha's story is so inspiring and unique. She has been through so much. From battling anger issues, to depression, she has proven to be the epitome of a strong, confident, and kind person.

    I want to thank Taneisha for opening up about her story and allowing me to share it with you all. I hope you learned that every adoption is different and every child has gone through many obstacles and family is what completes them. I